I was noodling with the idea of posting some type of top ten list....but if I see another top 10/50/100 list of movies/news/music/books/people, I fear I shall screem.
Instead, I submit to you Darth Vader/Wierdo (yes it's wierd, but wierd is good)
I was on Craigslist yesterday looking for a sunny place to rent in SF when I came across this sublet. The first line kinda puts things in perspective.
So if you've got a few extra $$$ you might be able to send overseas to help some people out let me make it easy to find an organization to make a donation to.
And to leave you on a light note (it is NYE, afterall), there is a definite mystery brewing in all this tragedy --
Where Are All the Dead Animals?
(Courtesy of Ultragrrrl)
Many people have done versions of the holiday classic Twas the Night Before Christmas but I must say I think this one by Snoop and Nate Dogg is my favorite:
Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Snoop and Nate Dogg
Props to SomaFM's "Xmas in Frisko" for playing such neo-classics.
And props to SomaFM for Indie Pop Rocks! I'm eternally grateful that the only radio station I really enjoy is available coast to coast. Thanks Elise!
Isn't it amazing that flies eat the same things we do? It seems to me, through casual observation, that regardless what I'm eating for lunch today the fly that's trapped in this room with me would be happy to partake. I mean, if you were seeing a fly for the very first time in your life would you naturally think, "Hmm, I bet he and I would order the same entree at a multi-specie restaurant."
On a related note: I keep finding flies drowned in my coctkails; we have so much in common.
Music: Anyone else heard The Wannadies? I think they'd be filed musically and alphabetically next to Weezer.
gotta find some ritalin
I play this little game when I'm bored...I call it "potentially good band names"...it's amusing...you should try it sometime...off the top of the old head....
- Burrito Cartel
- Ceasar Wants a Pina Colada
- Smashed Jackson
- Parafin Monster Truck
- Blueberry Pie the Shivs
- HumpBot
- Cristal Switch Bitches
yours?
It is now officially one week until the end of the holiday season. Time to break out the ol' holiday traditions.
Ya'll may gather around the yule (what the frick is a yule, anyway?) in your fuzziest pajamas (the ones with the feet), and pass presents to cousins under the blinking glow and sweetly pungent pine sap of a tinseled tree. You may have families; families with fireplaces and large dogs who still think they can curl up in your lap.
You may not.
And that's why you should know that the Gold Cane in Upper Haight has always been open on Xmas day and the compassionate folx there will get you drunk for nearly free if you look like you need it. That tip is my 1st of two gifts to you this holiday season.
My holiday tradition is pretty well locked in place at this point in my life. Christmas shopping consists of Ketel, Kahlua and soy milk, sometimes with baby carrots tossed in so the cashier doesn't frown too worriedly as she takes my cash.
Christmas Day starts sometime after noon when I pour the first White Russian, turn on TNT TBS and watch at least 4 consecutive repetitions of A Christmas Story until I have every line of the movie memorized again, the White Russians have devolved into shots of vodka chased with shots of Kahlua, and I'm yelling at the TV, "Ralphie of you want a goddamn gun so bad just go out and buy one on the street like every other fricking kid in America."
Round 2 of Christmas Day festivities commences when True Romance slides into the DVD player, during which I write a drunken poetic ode to Alabama Worley on a paper towel, and burn it. I allow myself this abject melodrama once a year under the condition that no one else is ever witness to it.
However, there is a lighter side to these holiday traditions and this is my 2nd gift to you: For some always needed world perspective this David Sedaris anecdote is annual required listening.
In the immortal words of Krusty the Klown -- "Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Crazy Kwanzaa, and a Solemn and Dignified Ramadan."
Interesting sidebar in the local paper the udder day: Bill Gates, Jefe de Las Ventanas and philanthropist extranerdinaire, is donating $42 million to a San Francisco based non-profit drug company working on a cure for malaria. The cure is based on an ancient Chinese remedy and what these genetic alchemists are attempting to do is cheaply synthesize artemisinin.
Artemisinin, as everyone knows, is only found in wormwood.
Now we're all intelligent people here and as such we know that when it comes to our nation's mass media the important thing is to read between the lines. And you don't have to squint at these lines too hard to see what's going on here:
Bill Gates is manufacturing absinthe!
That goofy billionaire bastard is gonna be hiding in the tower of his redwood-shaded Seattle fortress spooning endless vials of green-dementia onto fine imported sugar-cubes and having a wickedly grande ol' time while we, who ironically live in the shadow of his bohemian brewery, sip Chuck Shaw's finest and smile cause we just don't know any better. I can hear that bastard laughing now..
(To the 5 people that look at this site). Things will probably run slow on this site for a while. Maybe the rest of the year...maybe the rest of the week...who really knows? A couple of people might swing in with content; you never know how the creative mind will work.
However, if any of you fine people that check out this fine site would like to pitch in and write some content, pls send me an email colin|@|comecorect.net. This site was sort of always supposed to be a group project (even though if sometimes the writing comes of a little on the personal side). The whole concept isn't really new, but the idea that drives this site is basically that if a couple of people had some interesting things to say, through the amplification of the internet, those people could entertain countless numbers of others. No real high barriers to entry, what you write and how you write it is what you contribute. If that's something that sounds good/interesting to you, hit me up.
I know you've come here looking for a reason too screw off @ work or something...it's cool, it'll be out little secret. Howz about a grip of really odd flash games...
While I was in sixth grade a series of books came out called "Truly Tasteless Jokes." I believe there were three volumes.
The Truly Tasteless Joke series wallowed in misogyny, and racial, ethnic, and religious stereotypes. In short, they were irresistible to the pre-pubescent red neck males in my elementary school, a favorite ploy used to shock and horrify the girls. And that they did. Admittedly, it was the first time I heard dirty jokes and I was simultaneously revolted and attracted.
It was in this series where I was first exposed to "Polish" jokes, the only set in jokes including ones about "Dead Babies", "Helen Keller", and "Female Anatomy" that I never quite understood. The jist was basically that the Polish were complete idiots. For some reason in the early 80s they were our chosen whipping boy.
Such jokes went something like this,
Q: Boy, holding up his hand, "What's this?"
A: A polish handkerchief.
Q: Boy, holding up same hand, with initials, "What's this?
A: An embroidered polish handkerchief.
or this,
Q: Why does a Pole take a dime on a date?
A: In case he doesn't come, he can call.
etc. etc.
I never knew any polish people growing up (it was in the rural Sierra Nevada meaning Swiss Italians, american Indians, English, some Portuguese and some mexicans) and never understood why they were ridiculed so. Recently, I received an email from an international scientific mailing list that gave me some insight. Scientists, as a whole, are a decidely un-funny bunch of people. So, when I got this email, I almost fell off my lab bench. It immediately took me back to sixth grade. The email came from EvolDir--the international directory for scientists who study Evolution. It's basically a network for jobs and research tips, and is not a place for jokes. So, in all seriousness, one day this email appeared:
HOW TO MAKE ALCOHOL LESS ADDICTIVE
-----Original Message-----
From: evoldir@evol.biology.mcmaster.ca
[mailto:evoldir@evol.biology.mcmaster.ca]
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 7:12 AM
Subject: Other: How to make alcohol less addictive?
Dear All,
Does any of you know a substance that stains
ethanol to some ugly looking colour and/or has ugly smell/taste and does
not affect subsequent PCRs of the scat samples stored in it? I'm
afraid pure alcohol can be too attractive to some collectors.
Simply, I need some repellent.
Any suggestions are welcome
Best regards
Maciek Konopinski
--
Institute of Nature Conservation
Al. Mickiewicza 33, 31-120 Krakow, POLAND
tel. +48-12-6322221 or 6322755 ext. 102, fax. 6322432
--
konopinski@iop.krakow.pl
----------------------------------------
Apparently, the poles are stealing lab grade 100% ethanol (worse than the Everclear we used to cross the Nevada border to buy in High School) to drink while they are searching for scat samples. PCR refers to the "polymerase chain reaction" which is the standard method used to amplify DNA from samples. All I know is, "Poles, acohol, shit?" There has to be a Polish joke in here somewhere?
Anyone....???
Took a roadtrip last weekend down to Key West because it’s been there awhile and I haven’t.
Key West Roadtrip Top 5:
#5) Best Sign In Front of a Church (Key Largo):
“Jesus Is My Rock and My Name Is On The Roll”
#4) Worst T-Shirt on a Drunk Fat Guy (Key West):
“Please Tell Your Boobs To Stop Staring At My Eyes”
Honorable Mention (Key West):
“Dickie-Do-Award – My Stomach Sticks Out Farther Than My Dickie Do”
#3) Worst Sales Pitch by a Coke Dealer (Homestead, FL):
“This stuff’s real quality. You know how some stuff is so smooth you could pretty much sleep on it if you wanted? Well this stuff ain’t like that at all. This stuff here will have your mind reeling, your stomach muscles clenched and your nerves jittery all night long. It’s that good.”
#2) Most Requested Band on the Clothing Optional Rooftop of The Garden of Eden (Key West):
AC/DC (the DJ might as well have put Back In Black under the needle and sat down at the bar for an hour)
#1) Most Depressing Thing Said To Me (Homestead, FL):
After talking to a guy extensively about his custom modded 4-wheel ATV I asked him what his neighborhood was like and he said, “It’s actually a pretty good neighborhood. In fact, I think there’s only 2 or 3 black families on the whole block.”
Honorable Mention (Homestead, FL):
When it was mentioned that we were on our way down to Key West we were given the advice, “Be careful, there’s lots of gays down there.” Which had me sincerely tempted to ask, “What specific precautions should one take when socializing with homosexuals?”
Other observations about Key West:
Top news story of the island: A custody battle over a house cat (front page of the newspaper 3 days in a row).
Best thing about Key West: The trees. Specifically, banyan trees. Houses drown in jungle-thick growths of amazing trees; the bars, which are all hybrid indoor/outdoor establishments, have enormous plants growing right in the middle of them, often forming living roofs over the bar.
Most surprising thing about Key West: The large number of roosters living on the island who live to crow all night long. Especially surprising considering the significant cat population of the island.
The Southernmost Pharmacy in America (which is also a kickass little cook-to-order diner) seems to make most of its income from sales of condoms and geriatric products, which I think sums up the residents of the island fairly succinctly.
What made the trip worthwhile: Standing in front of Ernest Hemmingway's house at 5am yelling, "Come on out and fight me if you're so damn tough." But the challenge was only accepted by the largest house cat I've ever seen (so I backpeddled very quickly into the street and was almost run over by a drunken mopedist).
I haven't yet been able to put my finger on why I like subversive-styled art so much. I mean, I'm a pretty preppie straight-laced sorta guy though I'd be loathed to be catagorized as such. I'm not sure if it's because I was well sauced with grunge as an adolescent, desensitized by a quick-edit video culture or born to hate prepackaged entities like TV dinners. I like the fact subversive art contains original thought. Sometimes the goal of the work is simplay eye-candy, other times it represents a greater awareness relating to a certain area, but a lot of times it just smacks of extremely board creative individuals....sort of a "because I can" motif..."I have nothing to do, so I'm definitely going to use poastage labels to draw bule monkeys on and stick them on every ATM I see..."
You could probably guess I'm a big fan of Burning Man for the very subversion it’s steeped in. I mean, at the end of the day, I get a lot of joy from the fact that people do stupid shit like build a gigantic boombox in the middle of the desert and blast tracks at like 95,000 watts for drug addled hippies....(and here's the important part)...they do it, simply because they can...stuff like that to me is art because it makes an impact on people, not that traditional art doesn’t, but you get the idea.
It's well documented though this blog (oh, how I hate that word)...anyway, I've written before that I'm a sucker for sidewalk stencils, graffiti, renegade stickers. All of them equal parts illegal, self-motivated, and characteristic to an environment I live in. (That environment being a city, San Francisco specifically...the art's not so common in say, I dunno, like Texarkana, TX or something.) Ayyway, this is people reacting to their environment. It’s evidence that somewhere someone is actually thinking and reacting to the world they live in. Turning off the television and having a ceative moment fueled by the fact that they have a passion for life. This sign of life, this blip on a very dark radar screen of ever consuming pattern living from which people only wake up to have mid-life crises, etc... I know I'm sounding dangerously Tyler Durden at the moment, but whatever...
The passion and crativing that fuels this type of subversive art is what makes people like Packard Jennings my type of guy. This guy started modifying billboards for his own amusement, which naturally progressed to more aggressive projects. This man gets his kicks from making up fake products, like a Mussolini action figure and stocking the shelves at Wal-Mart with them....just to see if people will react to them and how fast Wal-Mart will discover them in their sea of discounted crap. He’s recently created and submitted candy dispensers in the likeness of Biggie Smalls, Tu Pac Shakur, and Eazy E to the Pez company in hopes they would include them in their collection...Pez, however, declined. Finally, and most recently, he’s created leaflets illustrating the steps one should take to incite a riot at your local shopping mall....not sure if he's printed them and handed them out, but it's all so very, very genius.
Thoughts?
some classics...Pong, Araknoid, and Tetris..enjoy
(thnx Fred for the link)
Fred and I had sort of a massive IM/screw-off session yesterday wherein he unloaded tons of good content links on me and then even went so far as to attempt to spin records for me using the mic in his laptop and voice chat functionality in Yahoo IM....what can I say...the guy goes the extra mile to keep you entertained...so, anyway, a lot of the links below are to his credit...figured I share.
