Blacklight Baby Crib

Why is it that things that at 1st glance seem so wholesome and pure often turn out to hide layers of insidious deception poised to make a caustic onion weep at the auspice of its own basal folds?

Hey, now, I'm not talking about you. Obviously you're as sweet and innocent as the pies grandma used to set on the sill to cool on those calm autumn afternoons. The pies with the file and the shiv baked deep in the blackberry filling. Before the last warmth of the juicy center weeped into the surrounding air, Na-Na would send JoJo down to the Yard with the trojan dessert wrapped in foil, my name printed in bold block letters on the bottom of the pan. The warden would invariably say, "MMM, MMM, those pies smell good enough to set the soul free." He was sniffing closer to the truth than he would ever know.

This post is a great and wholly appropriate opportunity to introduce you to two of my favorite people. A cuter context for a prop-gag there shall never be.

This is my beautiful god-daughter Sophia Grace, throwing down the love from Topeka, KS to all the down-peoples of Earth.

And this is her beautiful sister Arabella. She uses words like 'existential' in everyday conversation and is probably going to be a spider for Halloween.

This is the Bubble Bong for Kids we found at a gas station in Austin, TX. Finally, training-wheels for stoner-babies. "Age 4 & Up".

Now I don't smoke myself so needless to say it was a bit disconcerting to find that a #1 ranked toy company would produce an item of such maligned taste. What kind of an example is this setting? Do you think that girl on the packaging is going to make it to college? No. She's on the fast-track to a melodramatic appearance on the Montel Williams show.

I'm not a biological parent, true, but I am a god-parent and that's a role I take seriously. I simply will not tolerate my god-daughter taking pulls off a toddler-sized water-bong. There is no reason for her to be exposed to that kind of device nor for her to become acquainted with the techniques of pot-smoking.

At least until her fingers have enough fine motor control to roll a decent joint.