September 22, 2004

Comecorrect's Bureau of San Francisco Statistics, Volume 1

Throw out the pie charts, the bar graphs, and all percentages less than 100. I'm about to break down for you the demographics of San Francisco's population in a breathtakingly reckless, winner-take-all fashion. [Fact-checking support provided by CBS News.]

  • Percentage of people who are unemployed: 100%
  • SFMOMA workers: 100% Filipino
  • SFO workers: 100% Filipino
  • Percentage of males between 20 and 34 who are DJ's: 100%
  • Percentage of Hippie Hill hippies who cannot name more than 12 US presidents: 100%
  • Percentage of homeless Upper Haight street punks who own dogs with rabies: 100%
  • Percentage of Mission District burrito preparers who have never seen a movie starring Reese Witherspoon: 100%

  • Percentage of ex-girlfriends that are technically crazy: 100%
  • Percentage of books being sold on the sidewalk that are never more interesting than when they are on fire: 100%
  • Percentage of colds caught by touching the "touch to open" bar on MUNI: 100%
  • Percentage of people who feel that they have had an orifice violated by U Haul, particulary the one that used to be on Valencia and McCoppin (the office, not the orifice): 100%
  • Most disparaging non-racist remark: 100% "Marina"

    • Posted by rok at September 22, 2004 01:22 AM
    Comments

    rokman--yer funny shit. merci. i lurve it. such a nice reminder of home...

    Posted by: kc at September 22, 2004 03:43 AM

    hey rok, dude, everything is going to be ok., really.

    Posted by: toad at September 22, 2004 06:33 PM

    Todd, tell that to the guy in Edvard Munch's "The Scream." On top of permanently having the worst moment of his life, he got kidnapped at gunpoint. In San Francisco context, that's like only being able to wear clothes that were bought on Pier 39 and then being gangbanged by two silver robot guys. No, life is not always a bread bowl of clam chowder.

    Posted by: rok at September 24, 2004 03:08 AM

    see http://www.angrypatrioticbastard.com/society.html
    and scroll down to "Fuck San Francisco"

    Posted by: bottomslapper at September 24, 2004 04:28 PM

    Whoa, I'm not angry. These statistics are a loving tribute to the ecclectic city I love. And yes, they are completely objective.

    Posted by: rok at September 24, 2004 06:21 PM

    hey rok. please save images you find on the internet to your own server. linking to them as you have here uses my bandwidth (which i pay for). it also BTW allows me to change the image at any time and fuck with your site... peace.

    Posted by: P at October 27, 2004 09:03 AM