Environmentally Friendly Dance Moves

As you may know, Mayor Michael Bloomberg of NYC is attempting to thwart an upcoming protest rally in Central Park because of a purported threat to the grass. Though I believe it's a flimsy argument, I have, in my time, witnessed the accelerated degradation of grass due to human congregations. The first thing that comes to mind are Sunset parties or any outdoor dance parties that occur on healthy patches of grass. One consequence of what might be an otherwise wonderful gathering is the almost unavoidable trampling of grass. Party over? Ok, time to bring in that motherfucker Patch Adams to try to cheer the grass up after it was just gangbanged for fives hours by an assortment of rhythmic stomping mechanisms.

Going barefoot would help. But how are you going to get 300 dancing fools to go barefoot if they aren't Hare Krishnas? If you're going to have shoes on, there are ways to dance that are more friendly to the grass than others. Then there are the one or two dance methods that should be banned. One is anything that involves a lot of sliding. Hey boss, the children's playground is over there by yonder -- go moonwalk your ass over to the slides you no-air-catching wannabe rollerblader. The other dance move is one that involves a lot of hopscotching, crouching, and springing. Though less intense on grass than rollerblade style, this style will still turn the kindest green into harsh brown schwag.

Dancers, while having your life-affirming moment under the sun, realize that the sun will also rise tomorrow to an area of grass that looks like the patchwork fur coat of a 70's east coat street ho.

Rok does not normally refer to people as "boss."