Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

glat
chapelle show clips
getting out of jury duty
jony dep
facacta
diy flamethrower
arrow bar sf cocaine hipster
garden of eden key west
putracine
evite saran
lazlo hollyfield
pubic stencils
eternal sunshine
scatman caruthers
pop a squat drunk
mary kay laturno
solemn and dignified ramadan
cole valley drinking progressive

Oh and some guy called 867-5309...in every area code. Results here. (also from fimoculous).

Oh, and Tung tipped me to this Keyhole app, pretty cool stuff.

And to randomly change the subject (cause that's how I do it)...This whole commiditization of blogging has really turned me off. I love the idea that a single voice unregulated by the major media channels can change the world, but when ABC starts making Bloggers the person of the year, I want to puke. I don't know why I hate things once they become really popular. I think it turns me off when people clamor to celebrate their own fame and sort of lose sight of the reason they became famous...

Oh well, you know what they say....it's all pun and games until someone loses an eye.

Pic courtesy of ExplodingDog

Instead, I submit to you Darth Vader/Wierdo (yes it's wierd, but wierd is good)

So if you've got a few extra $$$ you might be able to send overseas to help some people out let me make it easy to find an organization to make a donation to.

And to leave you on a light note (it is NYE, afterall), there is a definite mystery brewing in all this tragedy --
Where Are All the Dead Animals?
(Courtesy of Ultragrrrl)

Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Snoop and Nate Dogg

Props to SomaFM's "Xmas in Frisko" for playing such neo-classics.
And props to SomaFM for Indie Pop Rocks! I'm eternally grateful that the only radio station I really enjoy is available coast to coast. Thanks Elise!

On a related note: I keep finding flies drowned in my coctkails; we have so much in common.

Music: Anyone else heard The Wannadies? I think they'd be filed musically and alphabetically next to Weezer.

gotta find some ritalin

- Burrito Cartel
- Ceasar Wants a Pina Colada
- Smashed Jackson
- Parafin Monster Truck
- Blueberry Pie the Shivs
- HumpBot
- Cristal Switch Bitches

yours?

Ya'll may gather around the yule (what the frick is a yule, anyway?) in your fuzziest pajamas (the ones with the feet), and pass presents to cousins under the blinking glow and sweetly pungent pine sap of a tinseled tree. You may have families; families with fireplaces and large dogs who still think they can curl up in your lap.

You may not.

And that's why you should know that the Gold Cane in Upper Haight has always been open on Xmas day and the compassionate folx there will get you drunk for nearly free if you look like you need it. That tip is my 1st of two gifts to you this holiday season.

My holiday tradition is pretty well locked in place at this point in my life. Christmas shopping consists of Ketel, Kahlua and soy milk, sometimes with baby carrots tossed in so the cashier doesn't frown too worriedly as she takes my cash.

Christmas Day starts sometime after noon when I pour the first White Russian, turn on TNT TBS and watch at least 4 consecutive repetitions of A Christmas Story until I have every line of the movie memorized again, the White Russians have devolved into shots of vodka chased with shots of Kahlua, and I'm yelling at the TV, "Ralphie of you want a goddamn gun so bad just go out and buy one on the street like every other fricking kid in America."

Round 2 of Christmas Day festivities commences when True Romance slides into the DVD player, during which I write a drunken poetic ode to Alabama Worley on a paper towel, and burn it. I allow myself this abject melodrama once a year under the condition that no one else is ever witness to it.

However, there is a lighter side to these holiday traditions and this is my 2nd gift to you: For some always needed world perspective this David Sedaris anecdote is annual required listening.

In the immortal words of Krusty the Klown -- "Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Crazy Kwanzaa, and a Solemn and Dignified Ramadan."

Artemisinin, as everyone knows, is only found in wormwood.

Now we're all intelligent people here and as such we know that when it comes to our nation's mass media the important thing is to read between the lines. And you don't have to squint at these lines too hard to see what's going on here:

Bill Gates is manufacturing absinthe!

That goofy billionaire bastard is gonna be hiding in the tower of his redwood-shaded Seattle fortress spooning endless vials of green-dementia onto fine imported sugar-cubes and having a wickedly grande ol' time while we, who ironically live in the shadow of his bohemian brewery, sip Chuck Shaw's finest and smile cause we just don't know any better. I can hear that bastard laughing now..

However, if any of you fine people that check out this fine site would like to pitch in and write some content, pls send me an email colin|@|comecorect.net. This site was sort of always supposed to be a group project (even though if sometimes the writing comes of a little on the personal side). The whole concept isn't really new, but the idea that drives this site is basically that if a couple of people had some interesting things to say, through the amplification of the internet, those people could entertain countless numbers of others. No real high barriers to entry, what you write and how you write it is what you contribute. If that's something that sounds good/interesting to you, hit me up.

• Sperm Invaders - use the little birth control pill to fend off those nasty sperms and keep that egg clean and fertile. (This game had me laughing outloud at home by myself...notice the kid with the old Nintendo controller glove...)

• Trim the Brit - use the clippers to stencil odd designs in yer mans head there.

• Smug Guy - Not quite a game, but interactive enough. Everyone knows one of these guys, if you don't you should prolly put down your yerba matte and tofu salad and go have a beer

The Truly Tasteless Joke series wallowed in misogyny, and racial, ethnic, and religious stereotypes. In short, they were irresistible to the pre-pubescent red neck males in my elementary school, a favorite ploy used to shock and horrify the girls. And that they did. Admittedly, it was the first time I heard dirty jokes and I was simultaneously revolted and attracted.

It was in this series where I was first exposed to "Polish" jokes, the only set in jokes including ones about "Dead Babies", "Helen Keller", and "Female Anatomy" that I never quite understood. The jist was basically that the Polish were complete idiots. For some reason in the early 80s they were our chosen whipping boy.

Q: Boy, holding up his hand, "What's this?"
A: A polish handkerchief.

Q: Boy, holding up same hand, with initials, "What's this?
A: An embroidered polish handkerchief.

or this,

Q: Why does a Pole take a dime on a date?
A: In case he doesn't come, he can call.

etc. etc.

I never knew any polish people growing up (it was in the rural Sierra Nevada meaning Swiss Italians, american Indians, English, some Portuguese and some mexicans) and never understood why they were ridiculed so. Recently, I received an email from an international scientific mailing list that gave me some insight. Scientists, as a whole, are a decidely un-funny bunch of people. So, when I got this email, I almost fell off my lab bench. It immediately took me back to sixth grade. The email came from EvolDir--the international directory for scientists who study Evolution. It's basically a network for jobs and research tips, and is not a place for jokes. So, in all seriousness, one day this email appeared:

HOW TO MAKE ALCOHOL LESS ADDICTIVE
-----Original Message-----
From: evoldir@evol.biology.mcmaster.ca
[mailto:evoldir@evol.biology.mcmaster.ca]
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 7:12 AM
Subject: Other: How to make alcohol less addictive?

--
Institute of Nature Conservation
Al. Mickiewicza 33, 31-120 Krakow, POLAND
tel. +48-12-6322221 or 6322755 ext. 102, fax. 6322432
--
konopinski@iop.krakow.pl
----------------------------------------

Apparently, the poles are stealing lab grade 100% ethanol (worse than the Everclear we used to cross the Nevada border to buy in High School) to drink while they are searching for scat samples. PCR refers to the "polymerase chain reaction" which is the standard method used to amplify DNA from samples. All I know is, "Poles, acohol, shit?" There has to be a Polish joke in here somewhere?

Anyone....???